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Transforming a Loveless Marriage
Being in a loveless marriage makes everything seem hopeless. You may have given up and have already talked with your spouse about separation or even divorce. Before you do something that you will probably regret, let me tell you why you might be giving up prematurely.

What"s important to understand about marriage is that it"s easy to fall in love, but nurturing your love and keeping it alive through all the challenges of marriage takes skills that no one has ever taught you. If you knew how to use these skills, you would not have a loveless marriage.

I"d like you to read the paragraph above again and this is why: while you and your spouse probably blame each other (or yourselves) for your loveless marriage, it"s really not your fault that no one has ever taught you the skills to make love work. You wouldn"t blame a child who didn"t know how to do something, so why should you blame your partner or yourself?

Since married couples do not have the communication skills to know how to reconnect after rough spots in their marriage, hurts and resentments build and fester and eventually, you find yourself in a loveless marriage. In a such a marriage, the anger outweighs the joy.

Tragically, at this point, most couples think it"s over and they get divorced and find somebody new, but the problem is they still have not learned the skills to sustain the love in a marriage. Even though they may be happy with their new wife or husband for awhile, eventually things happen to alienate them from their spouse and since they still haven"t learned how to reconnect, once again, they find themselves in a loveless marriage.

Just for a moment, close your eyes and remember what it felt like to be in love with your spouse. Do you remember a particular moment in time when you knew that your partner truly loved you? I know I have an image in my mind. In those days, you"d drop anything to be with the person you loved and you needed nothing more than to be in each others company.

Where did that love go? Would you be surprised if I told you that it"s still there


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