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I am the first son of my father who is now late.

When my father died some 11 years ago, I relocated to Lagos to finish my schooling. I lived with my aunt then but I had to leave their home because I was being abused. Upon leaving my aunt’s house, things became so difficult for me but I persevered with my education till I finished my bachelors.

During my lean years, I fell out with most of my family members. My mom refused to speak to me for three years, I was essentially the outcast of the family. During this period, my mom and some elders in our family gave out my sisters hand in marriage.

The couple had a trad/white wedding. Bride price was paid, all the customs of our people were followed save for one: the consent or knowledge of the first son. I wouldn’t get to hear about this marriage until six months later. That night, I cried because their action proved that I was nobody, a nothing to my mom and siblings.

Anyways, I kept on working hard and soon became comfortable. I mended fences with everyone in my family, but even at that, no one offered an explanation why things unfolded the way it did or an apology. I didn’t make any noise, I just picked up myself and moved on after committing the lessons learned to mind.

Six years and two children later, my sisters marriage has hit the rocks. Now they’re asking me as the first born to mediate and talk to the man.


The man (sister’s husband) won’t speak to my mom or the other elders he had been dealing with regarding a possible reconciliation. My family know me to be a good mediator and peace maker and they are not wrong.

I refused because there is no point mediating in a marriage that was done over my head.

As it stands now, I have no interest in playing head of house or anything of such nature. I send money, I help make connections, I foot bills for everyone in the family but I leave their decision making to them since they discounted me right from the very beginning. I have no interest whatsoever in becoming a leader in that family.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?


~ 8 months ago osalove247 said:
I think you should reconsider your stand
Yea, you went through hell but you made through. Remember Joseph in the Bible? When he became great, he knew God had blessed him to preserve his family despite what his brothers did to him. You are in a similar situation or position right now, behave like Joseph and sort the matter out since they have now recognised you. If you let things go bad God, your own conscience too will not be happy with you. God had made you the head, arise to your responsibility cos am sure you were born for such a time as this.

~ 8 months ago MOnkey said:
Candlelight Adam Easter Eve
.* ..

~ 8 months ago gogoman said:
You need to move on and face your own family!! it clearly shows that they do not respect u nor do they like u.. u no be pikin again move on

~ 8 months ago apprehended said:
U hav heard the words my son, Seek first comment #1 or Seek comment rightly above me #3. Do not say i didnt tell u oo. If nufin more my child.. kindly get lost n get a life.

~ 8 months ago EDDYPRINCE said:
Hello writer
You have spoken well, like the first comment, I will like to join him by saying reconsider your stand and take your position because God has made whatever happened to your favour and for them to know your relevant in the family. Tell them their wrongs and correct all the past mistake and reconciliation with your family by bringing them together. Cheers

~ 8 months ago Brownsugar38 said:
Forgive, not your sisters fault that your family behaved the way the did, life goes on

~ 8 months ago FINNY2015 said:
Forgive but don't forget
Your family are bad people, and the only reason they feel you are a peace maker nowis bcoz you became somebody even when they tot you wouldnt. Piece of advice stay the hell away from that marriage wahala. You were never involved so don' t involved your sef now. Incase your instincts prick you too hard, ensure you find out why you were sidelined which I am sure will end up opening a can of worms.

~ 7 months ago EDDYPRINCE said:
Forgive and forget

~ 7 months ago MOnkey said:
_ . o oo o0
no likes

~ 7 months ago TechyPalsNG said:
Support my blog
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